Janet Napolitano, Secretary
Dept. of Homeland Security
Washington, DC
My Fellow Citizens of the World in the United States,
As you know, we recently suffered a man-caused disaster at Ft. Hood, Texas, when an oppressed member of the Religion of Peace, apparently suffering from pre-post-traumatic stress syndrome, was driven to commit an act of violence after receiving orders to deploy to an overseas contingency operation.
The President and I would like to express that we are very disappointed and find this type of activity totally unacceptable. But look on the bright side, at least he wasn’t expressing his opposition to the President’s desires in a town hall meeting.
While we may never know what his motives were, you may be assured that it has nothing to do with the hijacked Religion of Peace or their Prophet (pbuh.) Our working theory right now is that Maj. Hasan was marginalized by President Bush, which drove him to take subliminal orders from Rush Limbaugh.
We extend our sympathies to the victims of this tragedy – those members of the Religion of Peace that will undoubtedly feel the backlash from those gun-toters and Bible-clingers that make up the Republican Party.
I would, however, like to take this opportunity to say, “I told you so.” I was mocked for describing the terror threat from military veterans earlier in the year. Well, who’s laughing now? (Not that I’m laughing, you understand.) Doubtless, this poor, confused victim was also brainwashed by Glen Beck to be a pro-life wacko, too.
The Obama administration is being very pro-active to ensure that another man-caused disaster like this doesn’t happen again. Effective immediately, soldiers will no longer be allowed to use guns. An Army base is no place for firearms. This order will be extended throughout our Overseas Contingency Operation. It may be inconvenient to go to battle without a firearm, but we cannot be too careful, someone may get hurt with those things.
These steps will allow the administration to concentrate on the real extremists – Fox News.
Your nanny,
Janet “Big Sister” Napolitano
Posts
That's pretty clever to make fun of people dying at the hands of an obviously deranged man. I hope the families of the dead appreciate your humor.
ReplyDeleteRead it again. I didn't make fun of the people who died, I am making fun of the unseriousness with which this administration approaches terrorism. Furthermore, there is much more evidence that the man who did the shooting was driven by religious ideology and not derangement.
ReplyDeleteCan you define the dividing line between extreme religious ideology (or any exreme human trait) and derangement?
ReplyDeleteNo, I can't, and that is a very valid question. I was assuming that by deranged, you meant psychotic and he definitely didn't seem psychotic.
ReplyDeleteI guess extremism, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. I'm not sure you can really even call his beliefs extreme, because for Wahabbi Islam, Hassan seems right in the middle of the mainstream.
None of that changes the fact that, as I said above, I was not making fun of the victims of the shooting. I was making fun of the administration and its responses to it as well as their political correctness and unserious approach to the threats we face. When a President is tougher with his political opponents than he is to enemies of his country, I think it is a sad statement.